The Common Denominator

As many of you are aware, there is no one in the world who enjoys a “deep conversation” more than myself. In any circumstance or situation, whether it be a bar, a plane, or the line at Star Bucks; I will have a deep, life examining, soul shattering conversation with anyone, and I do mean ANYONE. I don’t care if you are from another planet and resemble some form of space paramecium, I will converse with you. And, in the event that we do not speak the same language, I will gesture, draw pictures, sing, dance, and smile…whatever it takes, to find what is known as the common denominator.

What do I mean by the “common denominator?” I know I may have thrown you with this math gibberish (Hope, talking about math…what?). But work with me here, and hearken back to your elementary days when fractions were the bane of your prepubescent existence. The common denominator is, essentially, any factor that that serves as a base for equal division. In other words, it is the factor that is most common to the numerator of each fraction. This number enables us to add and subtract fractions by making them more alike, and less dissimilar.

This is what I try to find during the course of my deep conversations; that one common thread or bond that I share with the other individual on which we can build a basis-a foundation. And, interestingly enough, during the hundreds of conversations that I have had with perfect strangers, acquaintances, and friends, I have discovered three common denominators that resonate with any human being no matter the race, color, age, or political conviction. They are, quite simply:

Area of Origin, Family, and Love.

By area of origin, I mean that people love to talk about where they’re from and they love to hear about where you come from, so that they can then determine if their home is superior to yours. This is an excellent basis for a deep convo because, once they tell you where they’re from, they will then divulge where they have been-which is always more interesting.

Family is the second phase of the deep convo. People may love their family, or hate them-regardless, they are more than willing to talk about them. Their children, their divorced and brooding parents, rebellious brother, promiscuous sister. Every human being on the face of this great planet has at least one family member that is desperate for intervention, and man do they wanna talk about it.

Love is a no brainer and, it is by far, the most common of the common denominators. If you get someone talking about their love life, you will miss your flight, have 5 more beers, and 6 grande mocha frappachinos before you’re through. People love to talk about love-whether they are in love, out of love, looking for love, or running from love. Love is simply the common thread that binds us all, and makes for the most interesting and dramatic of deep conversations. I have been in two situations in which perfect strangers have literally wept over love during our DC.

Today, my task on the airplane was to get Frank, my 50-something engineer from South Carolina, to open up and talk about love. We began with the first CD: Frank originated from New York and has been all over the world for his job. Then the second CD: Frank has a wife and one child-a daughter. After about 30 minutes of introduction and wise cracks about everything from the airplane food to the legalization of marijuana, it was time to cut to the chase. Frank had been divorced and, though he no longer loves his ex-wife, he loves his daughter very much. It was hurting him that his daughter blamed him for the divorce, as she had confessed to him that this had “ruined her life.”

I could relate, I come from a broken home, am an only child, and have a father with whom I am very close. So many similarities.

On the 2 hour flight from Indianapolis to Atlanta, Frank and I did not stop for a single breath. We had found our common denominators. More importantly, we hadn’t been afraid to “go there” and look for what we had in common.

As I travel far from home, and leave behind everything that is so regular to me, I remind myself that, though each human being is individual and extraordinary, we are all essentially the same animal. We fiercely defend our home, we worry about our family, and we love deeply. Essentially, the common denominator in any interaction is yourself.