Striking a Balance

"This world is hard. I will not coddle you."

-Mr. Spencer, 9th Grade Physics

I have a student, John, and though he is not diagnosed, he is most certainly Autistic, perhaps even Asperger's. On his first day of class, he refused to come into the room for nearly 20 minutes, would not look at any of the students, and, once inside the classroom, often got up randomly wondering about the room. However, he quickly picked up on the class structure, completed his lessons correctly well before the other students, and enthusiastically participated in our weekly reading contests.

Because of his awkwardness, though, the students were reluctant to include him, and would often merely use him to help with their homework. Everyday they would ask if John was coming, and would sigh and become dismayed if the answer was yes; each student seemed to view his oddities as burdensome. I talked with the more compassionate students in the class, enlisting them to become friendly with John. I also talked with other teachers about his prior academic history, and asked the Korean staff to involve his parents. Unfortunately, the Korean hagwon educational system has very little compassion for Students with Special Needs, and virtually no system in place for aiding them.

Though I have a great deal of empathy for John, I find myself becoming more and more reluctant to coddle him. As the quote from my Physics teacher clearly states, this world is hard; it's a tough place were you don't constantly have a teacher helping you to make friends, or making excuses for your "odd" behaviors. More and more, when John arrives late and lingers in the hall, I let him stay outside until he comes in on his own. I do not prod the other students to include him, but instead, structure my class activities in a way where he will be included, and allow the rest to happen naturally. I also explain to the class that John has "special needs" but is very smart and a part of our class; they seem to understand that he is to be treated fairly, even if they do tend to ignore him more often than not.

I am learning that there is a fine balance between coddling, and tough love. I do not know if I will strike that balance with John this term, and I am still unsure as to how that balance is struck for students with disabilities. But my intuition tells me, that to constantly modify for and coddle John will only hinder him academically and socially. Better to treat him with compassion, and give him small opportunities for genuine success.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

During a discussion about cultural morals and notions of "good" and "evil", I decided to have my students create their own 10 Commandments. These commandments were to reflect their personal ideas about "right", "wrong", and what every person should do to live a well-balanced and happy life. This is what they came up with:

1. Try very hard not to kill anyone.

2.Keep the weekend holy by staying fantastic!

3. Respect the ideas of others.

4. Say good things about people, even when you don't really like them.

5. Do not lie, except about homework.

6. Remember that you are a beautiful person.

7. Do not commit suicide, it is bad for health.

8. Always back-up your computer!

9. Do not smoke...ever.

10. Eat well, play well, poo well.

The Spa Mistress

The spa experience in Korea is one that I highly recommend. Not only are the spas exceptional, they also embody an authentic representation of Korean standards for beauty. I haphazardly came upon my spa through a co-worker, when I was asking where I could tan in the winter.

Note: Tanning beds are very rare in Korea, as the Korean standard for beauty is a white and unfreckled complexion. It should also be noted that the average bra-size for a Korean woman is 32A, which culturally predisposes the Koreans to an often morbid fascination with large, tan, breasts.

That being said, I met with the Spa Mistress, an extremely beautiful Geisha-faced woman, in her early 40's, whose authoritative and classy air is enough to intimidate even this plucky westerner. Luckily for me, she speaks broken English, and is able to communicate well enough to understand "tanning", "eye-brow waxing", and "massage". Little did I know, I was about to witness the extent of her English (and her many other talents) when she showed me upstairs to the tanning room, and demanded, in almost perfect English, that I undress:

"Ok, now. Lotion for the skin, to keep soft. Take cloth off."

"Excuse me?"

"Take cloth off, I must rub on your back and front. For the skin to keep soft, so you not look like old grandmother." She said this making a "skin-a rabbit" gesture, with an authority that let me know there would be no argument.

I undressed hurriedly, and she began slathering lotion all over my back, neck, and buttox. She then forcefully spun me around, and squirted cold lotion all over my chest, shoulders, and stomach. At this point, I was completely mortified and convinced that I had just stepped into every American man's fantasy, while my Spa Mistress behaved as though this sequence of events was the most natural thing in the world.

"Ok, now the boobies."

"Excuse me?"

"Now the boobs. I will do the boobs."

And she began rubbing lotion on my breasts rather aggressively. Now, I'm no prude, but having my "girls" rubbed vigorously by a middle-aged Korean spa owner is not exactly on my list of Top 10 International Fantasies, though it certainly started taking a turn toward the more erotic when she began whispering,

"Oh, they are very nice. Very nice. Big, and nice."

"Um, thank you." I said, through gritted teeth, not knowing if I was going to laugh or cry.

"Very nice. Like the Greek. Like Goddess. Yes! Like Big Greek Goddess!"

Then, giving me a slap on my well-lubricated bottom, she toweled her hands, and turned the knob on the tanning bed.

" Ok, 15 minutes. Turn over. 15 minutes more. Turn over again...flippy. You turn over when done...like chicken."

And with that, she left me standing alone, naked, and extremely bemused.