Striking a Balance

"This world is hard. I will not coddle you."

-Mr. Spencer, 9th Grade Physics

I have a student, John, and though he is not diagnosed, he is most certainly Autistic, perhaps even Asperger's. On his first day of class, he refused to come into the room for nearly 20 minutes, would not look at any of the students, and, once inside the classroom, often got up randomly wondering about the room. However, he quickly picked up on the class structure, completed his lessons correctly well before the other students, and enthusiastically participated in our weekly reading contests.

Because of his awkwardness, though, the students were reluctant to include him, and would often merely use him to help with their homework. Everyday they would ask if John was coming, and would sigh and become dismayed if the answer was yes; each student seemed to view his oddities as burdensome. I talked with the more compassionate students in the class, enlisting them to become friendly with John. I also talked with other teachers about his prior academic history, and asked the Korean staff to involve his parents. Unfortunately, the Korean hagwon educational system has very little compassion for Students with Special Needs, and virtually no system in place for aiding them.

Though I have a great deal of empathy for John, I find myself becoming more and more reluctant to coddle him. As the quote from my Physics teacher clearly states, this world is hard; it's a tough place were you don't constantly have a teacher helping you to make friends, or making excuses for your "odd" behaviors. More and more, when John arrives late and lingers in the hall, I let him stay outside until he comes in on his own. I do not prod the other students to include him, but instead, structure my class activities in a way where he will be included, and allow the rest to happen naturally. I also explain to the class that John has "special needs" but is very smart and a part of our class; they seem to understand that he is to be treated fairly, even if they do tend to ignore him more often than not.

I am learning that there is a fine balance between coddling, and tough love. I do not know if I will strike that balance with John this term, and I am still unsure as to how that balance is struck for students with disabilities. But my intuition tells me, that to constantly modify for and coddle John will only hinder him academically and socially. Better to treat him with compassion, and give him small opportunities for genuine success.